Terrance and Phillip's 100 Theme Challenge
by Accio-Underwear
Summary: 100 Terrance and Phillip centric oneshots. Possible Multiple Pairings.
1. Introductions

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park._

_So I've decided to do a 100 Word Challenge thingy. I got the list off the interwebs since I was too lazy to make up my own 100 words. _

_Oh, and this challenge is Terrance and Phillip centric 8D_

* * *

**Introductions**

Large curious eyes stared across the music room in awe. The Canadian School for Gifted Babies was designed for children his size in the sense that the fixtures were all rounded and everything for children was within reach while the grown up stuff was too high. The room itself, however, was enormous. And Phillip had never seen so many instruments in one place. Montreal itself probably didn't have that many instruments.

While other children banged away on their guitars and drums and tambourines, trying to form little rock and roll bands, the small blonde found himself alone and friendless in the large, loud room. He was suddenly scared and longed for his Mommy.

But no, she told him that he had to be tough. And he would be.

Wondering around the other children, Phillip inspected some of the transforming musical acts.

One little boy smiled at him. "Hi! Wanna be part of our band?"

Phillip made a sour face. They played horribly and if he was going to get anywhere, he couldn't have dead weight like these other kids being his friends, "No. You guys suck."

The boy stared at him with a hurt look before bursting into tears and Phillip was suddenly yanked into the air by the teacher. "Phillip Argyle! That is no way to treat the other students! To the corner with you!" Phillip pouted as he was carried to the dreaded time out corner and placed on the floor next to a scowling black haired boy. "Now sit here and think aboot what you did," The teacher said. "Same for you, young man. You should know better than to flip little girl's skirts."

The teacher left both little boys to pout in the corner. Phillip glanced at the other boy and matched his position of sitting in a slouch with arms akimbo and bottom lip sticking out. He tried to keep as still as the other boy but he was just too restless and began squirming. His squirming led to the black haired boy's squirming and the other boy glanced to see if the coast was clear before dragging a toy piano towards him nonchalantly.

Phillip watched as the boy hit a few notes, glanced around again and started playing a little number on the piano.

It was a fast paced and happy little song and Phillip couldn't help but move to the rhythm. Glancing around, he found a tiny guitar and strummed, tuned it a bit, and began strumming along with the song the black haired boy was playing.

Their quick little song ended and both boys giggled. Phillip looked at the other boy appreciatively and stuck out his tiny hand, "You don't suck. I'm Phillip."

The other boy eyed him for a moment before giving a large grin and shaking Phillip's hand, "You don't suck either. I'm Terrance."

"Wanna be friends?"

"Kay."


	2. Invincible

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park _

* * *

**Invincible **

They were invincible.

At least he thought they were.

They'd made it through angry mobs, suicide attempts, drugs, alcohol, the threat of head cancer, murder trials, whores, obesity, a war, and even death itself and they had made it.

They'd broken up so many times and gotten together.

Phillip tried to improve them but Terrance thought they were fine. They were never fine. Not when they were fighting, not when they got along, not when they were married to the Queef sisters and trapped in abusive relationships.

Behind the laughter they were tired. Terrance was tired of life and of people. That is why he would get high and fuck hookers and eat and buy drugs with whatever money his exes would take for his illegitimate children.

Phillip always picked him up though.

He'd verbally slap sense into Terrance and set him back on the right path and they'd be closer than ever until they fight and Terrance would fall into a slump and fight for death all over again while Phillip worked on a personal project and thrived in the intellectual world.

Phillip was invincible.

Terrance was not.

So why was the black haired man standing there, staring down at the pale, peaceful face of his eternally sleeping best friend?

Phillip looked relieved in his final bed, as if it was the best sleep, the only sleep, he'd had in years and there was a high chance it was. He looked relieved and even a bit proud. Like he had worked hard for this moment and maybe he did. The blonde had worked himself so much that he just gave up and swallowed the whole bottle of his prescribed sleep assisting medication.

But even in his self inflicted death, he never looked surer of himself.

And Terrance felt so vulnerable.


	3. Teddy Bear

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

**Teddy Bear**

The collection of gutted toys was huge. The types and sizes and styles and species were uncountable just by a glance and Terrance stood before only one wall of the store in horror.

He came here intending to make some cute little thing with maybe on of those personalized message things in it but that delightful fantasy was crushed by the reality that this franchise was aiming to make a Noah's Arc of waiting to be stuffed animals. Thousands of lifeless eyes were staring at him as if to say 'Pick me, she'll love me the best, promise.'

And then the all of the Goddamn _accessories_ they came with. He was royally fucked.

Phillip stood next to his friend with a more excited face than anything. He scanned the wall in what seemed to be amusement and delight at the idea of so many options. He was tempted to just start making his own personal little thing when Terrance's hand gripped his arm and Phillip's curious gaze met a terrified one.

"What?" The blonde asked simply.

"What the hell am I supposed to make?"

"I assume a stuffed animal, Terrance."

"You know what I mean!" Terrance looked agitated but sighed; obviously stressed by what he thought would be a simple situation. "This is Sally's seventh birthday and I haven't always been there for her so I want to do something special but…"

"Make her a bunny."

"She hates bunny rabbits, I tried to get her to pet one at the petting zoo and it turned into a disaster."

"Oh." Phillip was quiet for a moment. "How about an anteater?"

"_I_ don't even know what that is, Phillip." Terrance replied.

"It eats ants."

"Ah."

Phillip scanned the other two walls from where they stood while Terrance rubbed his temples as a migraine threatened to come. The blonde perked and tugged at his friend's sleeve for attention, "How about a bear?"

Terrance lifted his head with an expression of a saved man, "A bear. It's perfect."

"And there's not a big selection of them so you won't have too much stress choosing which one." Phillip added proudly.

"Perfect!" Terrance shouted, making his way across the store, nearly trampling children in his way that would gasp in awe at the amazing Terrance and Phillip while the blonde offered apologetic smiles and even yanked a few of the kids out of his friend's way.

Terrance scanned the wall and grabbed a black bear from the rack, smirking at it's lifeless, and even a bit clueless, expression. "Perfect." He declared.

He proceeded to tromp down the wall, scanning the clothes and stopping at a little red shirt. After he attained that, he hunted down an associate with Phillip in tow and had her help him record a sugary message for Sally whenever she squeezed the bear and then sent it off with the young woman to be stuffed.

A few minutes later, the duo stood at the cash register while Terrance tugged on the bear's little shirt on. He paid for the items and eyes the cashier and then the cup of writing utensils next to the register. "Give me that sharpie real quick." He commanded with a wiggle of his fingers.

The cashier quickly and silently obeyed and Phillip watched curiously over Terrance's shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"You'll see." His friend replied before uncapping the permanent marker and etching a 'T' onto the front of the clothing article before showing it to Phillip, "Think she'll like it?"

Returning the pen, Phillip grinned at his friend, "I'm sure Sally will love it."


	4. Overrated

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

**Overrated**

Overrated.

That's what he had told Terrance when the noirette refused to let him write out some new and original sketches. Fart jokes were unfunny and overrated.

It was a lie, of course, but Phillip understood that not everyone else felt the same about their form of comedy. And he wanted to reach those people, prove to them that Terrance and Phillip were more than toilet humor. That they were intelligent individuals who were witty and sharp tongued - that they didn't need to rely on their bodily functions to get a few laughs.

Terrance proceeded to call him a hack, they fought and now there he was, reading over his lines for 'Hamlet', sitting in a plane and heading for South Park to perform some sort of skit or make an appearance, and longing for what he once had. He'd never admit it of course. He would never say that he missed his business partner – his best friend since childhood. He'd never admit he was wrong or that he longed to let out a juicy one and erupt in laughter with Terrance, knowing children all over the continent were laughing right with him.

Yes, he loved the arts and being able to perform in such a play but…well…

Shakespeare was looking a little overrated.


	5. Needles

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

**Needles**

Eleven year old Terrance squirmed as he sat on the examination table and wrung his hands, peeking at his best friend every once in a while. Phillip was skimming through a magazine left in a basket for parents who were waiting for their children's doctors to arrive.

The noirette's parents had…well not business to take care of…but they couldn't be there and deemed the performer old enough to go to the doctor alone, dropping him off in front of the building and promising to return in an hour.

What they didn't know was that Terrance had summoned his best friend to act in their stead.

"Stop squirming," Phillip said, peeking over his magazine, "You're making me nervous."

"Making _you_ nervous?" Terrance looked shocked that the blonde would even dare to make such a comment. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that you were also getting _two_ shots today!"

"Yeah," Phillip replied simply, "Two shots. It's not like you need an operation, so calm down."

Terrance glared at his best friend, crossing his arms and huffing while completely set on being perfectly still and giving Phillip the silent treatment.

It didn't take long for him to squirm and whine. "Why don't we just leave and say I got the shots?" He asked nervously.

Phillip raised an eyebrow, "But you wouldn't." He replied. "And what's the big deal? They're just shots."

"With needles that get shoved into your _arm_!"

Phillip seemed to consider this as a new and logical argument for refusing a vaccine. He set the magazine down and Terrance hoped, prayed, that he was going to say something like 'Alright, I'll keep watch while you make a break for it.' but instead the blonde got up and shoved himself next to Terrance on the table.

"Are you afraid of needles?" He asked bluntly.

"Not afraid," Terrance quickly snapped out of fear of getting teased. "I'm just…pushed to the point of nerves that I refuse to let someone near me with one."

Phillip looked thoughtful for a moment before putting his hand on Terrance's shoulder, "Its okay to be scared of needles, buddy." He assured, "I'm still freaked out by the dark."

Terrance straightened up and looked at his friend, "I never knew that!"

Phillip laughed, "Why do you think I insist on sleeping in your bed when I sleep over?"

Terrance thought about that and blushed, "You think I could protect you?" He squeaked and Phillip laughed harder, nodding. Terrance blushed a deeper red and wrung his hands, "So…uhm…" He quickly grew silent as the nurse came in, greeting the boys and readying the needles.

"Need me to return the favor, guy?" Phillip asked quietly.

Terrance held out his hand with a small nod.

Phillip took it and didn't mind that Terrance was squeezing to the point of breaking bones.


	6. Fire

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

**Fire **

"Are you sure about this?"

Terrance rolled his eyes as Phillip looked at him in complete doubt. They were on the set, filming their movie masterpiece 'Asses of Fire', and Terrance had proposed a last minute idea that the blonde was not keen on considering.

It was reckless and life threatening after all.

"Phillip. Come on. We're professionals." Terrance assured.

"That doesn't mean we're immortal." Phillip replied shortly.

"We've got people who'll be at the ready with fire extinguishers. We can even get some EMTs on the set."

Phillip sighed, considering the idea. It'd be good. A highlight of the film, possibly exactly what they needed to make it perfect – award winning even, and if they could pull it off…

"Terrance," Phillip asked, still feeling a little doubtful but becoming more comfortable with the idea. If this one thing stopped bugging him, he'd be completely in. "What if it's a bad influence on kids?"

Terrance snorted, "This movie's going to be rated 'R', Phillip. Kids won't be seeing it and adults have too much common sense. I mean, what kind of parent lets their child watch a movie with cussing and," He grinned, "The actors lighting their farts on fire."

Phillip couldn't help but grin back, "Yeah, you're right."


	7. Bow

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

**Bow**

"How did you do that?"

"It's like tying shoelaces."

Phillip stared at the beautifully wrapped gift on the table. It was red wrapping paper covered box that was hugged by a blue ribbon. The ribbon wrapped around the box and was put into what could be only described as the perfect bow.

And yet it only got better as Terrance curled the loose ends with a pair of scissors so they became springy tubes at the base of the bow. Phillip tugged on one of the ends and stared in awe as it sprung back into it's perfect curl. The blonde looked from Terrance's perfectly wrapped gift and then looked under the table at his best friend's shoes.

"Your shoelaces look nothing like that," He commented when he looked back up with a glare. "Where did you learn to wrap like that?"

"That is a secret I will take with me to the grave."

"Teach me."

Terrance snorted, "I don't think that's possible." He replied while gesturing to Phillip's own wrap job.

The corners were slightly ripped from pressing the corners of the box into the paper a bit too hard and then taped over in an attempt to repair the rips. The ends, where the wrapping paper would have been folded neatly against the box, were instead rolled and bulging to make the cube gain an odd shape. It was already eleven at night and Phillip was only going to get worse as they personally wrapped gifts for staff and some orphans (as well as a collection of Stoot children produced by Terrance).

"You know, as Terrance and Phillip, people expect the highest quality from us." Terrance teased, "And I am sad to say, you do not meet those standards, Phillip."

Phillip pouted as his friend was right.

He picked up his next gift, looked at his wrapping job and then Terrance's, and pushed the unwrapped box towards the noirette with a smirk.

"Looks like you're pulling an all-nighter then, buddy."


	8. Hopeless

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

**Hopeless**

He ran his fingers along the smooth wood and couldn't help but breathe out a sigh of despair. He was tired, sick of the downward slope that had choked him and his best friend for far too long now.

And now, he couldn't even have his friend because the idiot couldn't handle his anger and decided to beat some fucking kid.

Now Phillip was gone, arrested with the parents of the kid threatening to sue – which they most likely would – and Terrance…well he didn't think he could….no…he knew he couldn't go on without his best friend and costar.

Drugs stopped working for him. They simply didn't get him to where he wanted to be anymore, they just made reality more and more obvious and clear and hopeless.

His fingers wrapped around the handle of the hammer and tightened his grip.

No Phillip. No stardom. No high.

No reason.

After several self inflicted blows to the head and he couldn't lift his arm anymore. Death would be coming soon to take him to hell.

At least, that's what his blurry and beaten mind thought until the blonde angel (who later explained that he'd paid bail in order to return home) had saved him by screaming for him to return to the world of the living.


	9. Rescue

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_

* * *

_

**Rescue**

'_How many times has this happened?_'

Phillip couldn't help but mull the question over as he sat at the table in the small town diner with his costar and four teenage boys.

Terrance didn't recognize them when they came to inform the duo about a plan involving their assassination. Thankfully, Phillip recognized the boys from years of them weaving in and out of the Canadians' lives and knew to believe them.

"How many times has it been now, boys?" He asked them as he watched the children gobble their ice cream.

The boy in the green ushanka, Sheila Broflovski's boy (they'd never forget THAT name) scrunched up his face in thought, "Mmm, I think this is the forty-first?" He suggested.

"Forty-second," The boy next to him, a dark haired lad, corrected before giving Phillip an amused look, "You guys make a lot of enemies." He pointed out.

Terrance shrugged next to Phillip, "We make a lot of points that piss people off." He replied casually. "Good points that no one wants noticed…"

Phillip laughed and nodded, "Yeah, and then there are a lot of people who don't like how we focus on these points with our humor instead of just being comedy like we used earlier in our career. They think we're too political now."

"Well that blows," The boy commented. "Well, we've always been fans."

The Broflovski boy nodded, "Right. We just get your other jokes more now and still laugh at the ones meant for kids. It kind of feels like you taught us how to really think."

"Plus you're the only good thing on TV," Added the boy on the far left, a scrawny blonde little thing who was all too eager to eat his ice cream – though not as eager as the large teenager next to him.

The other boys grunted in agreement and Phillip watched Terrance gain a look of satisfaction. "It's fans like you that keep us going." He replied before gesturing for the waitress to get more ice cream for the boys.

"You're going to spoil their dinners," Phillip chided.

"They earned it," Terrance laughed, "It's not every day you save Terrance and Phillip's lives."

"More like every few months," The dark haired boy commented with a laugh. "But really, we should go. Our parents think we're at Cartman's house studying and if they found out we'd been questioned by police and then accepting ice cream from two grown men they don't know that well…"

The other boys nodded, apparently knowing full well of the consequences. And they probably did.

"Alright," Terrance allowed. "Thanks again, boys."

Phillip grinned at them, "Yeah, it really means a lot."

The boys climbed out of their side of the booth, three of them waving and filing out of the diner as the black haired boy hesitated, "See you."

Terrance and Phillip laughed, "Next time we need rescuing," The blonde assured, "Right. See you then."

The boy grinned, his own amusement of the situation evident as he broke out in a jog to catch up with his friends already waiting outside the diner. Phillip leaned back, watching as the left over ice cream slowly began to sink into the cup and he smiled at Terrance.

"Remember them now?"

"Not one bit. Seem like nice boys though."


	10. Intermission

_Disclaimer: I do not own South Park_

* * *

**Intermission**

"This is a really tough crowd. _Really_ tough. I don't know if we can make it. What if someone walks out or demands a refund…"

"Terrance, you're doing it again."

"I mean, this has never happened before. Are we going stale? I thought we were doing fine!"

"Terrance…"

"We are fine! We got great reviews last week so what are we doing wrong?"

"TERRANCE."

"WHAT?"

Phillip gave his best friend a sour look and Terrance blinked at him. "You're doing it again." He commented.

Terrance blinked at Phillip, then at the donuts in his hands and chewed the chunk of donut in his mouth slowly. He surveyed the table that was laid out with sweets for cast and crew members. A fourth of what was there when they finished the first act of their show was missing.

Once an intermission was called for the struggling pair to regroup, Terrance had quickly fled the stage and attacked the table in a thoughtless rush.

He quickly put the donuts down and gave Phillip an apologetic look after swallowing what was in his mouth. "It's just…really getting to me, guy." He admitted. "Why aren't we getting anything out of this lot?"

Phillip sighed and moved to sling an arm around Terrance's shoulders. His friend had a habit of literally eating his feelings. When Phillip found him to be obese after their break up, he made sure to keep an eye on the other Canadian's diet. "Because the coordinator of this convention didn't realize that doctors may not appreciate our sense of humor." He sighed. "But the show must go on. We just need to make it more their style."

"But how?" Terrance grumbled.

"I looked at the conference program and a lot of these doctors are proctologists." Phillip replied coolly.

Terrance gave him a hopeful look. "Butt doctors? We're at a convention for butt doctors?"

"That's right, buddy."

"Then…we just need our doctor skits and some of those more intellectual skits that you wrote…"

"And we'll be sailing waves of laughter."

"And once the show is over, we can go and fuck with random doctors, right?" Terrance asked with a grin. Oh God, he loved messing with proctologists.

Phillip snorted. "You know it, guy."

"Misters Terrance and Phillip, the intermission will be over in a minute." A meek stage hand called.

Terrance waved her off and grinned at Phillip. "Let's go earn our pay then."


End file.
